I Cor. 13: Love Bears All Things                                            3/15/09         

We've been looking at love for the last few weeks so I thought I'd begin today by defining love through the eyes of a group of 4 to 8 year olds.

For Chrissy, who is 6, love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.

While for four year old Terri, "Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."  And 6 year old Nikka teaches us that "If you want to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate" -- a lesson the whole world should learn.  And Jessica, who is 8, reminds us that "You really shouldn't say "I love you" unless you mean it.  But if you mean it, you should say it a lot because people forget."

Rebecca tells us she sees love every time she looks at her grandparents.  "When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails any more.  So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.  That's love."

That's love.  It's the kind of love we see most clearly in the greatest love story of the Bible.  It's not the love between Rachael and Jacob or Isaac and Rebecca.  It's not the love Samson had for Delilah or David for Bathsheba.

It wasn't the love we find between a man and a woman at all.  It was Ruth's love for Naomi --- a love that was more than a promise - a love that was a commitment - a love that would indeed bear all things.

You remember the story.  Naomi had been well loved by her husband and her sons.  Together they had left Judah when there was famine in the land, but tragedy struck them in their new land of Moab.

First, Elimelech died, leaving Naomi a grieving widow, but her pain was assuaged by the love and care of her two sons and their wives.

But grief was too close a visitor and, ten years later, her sons were both taken from her.  The pain in her heart was too much to bear, and she cried out to God the eternal question of why.

And, as is too often the way, her tears of sorrow turned into tears of bitterness --- a bitterness that so defined her that she even changed her name from Naomi - which means "my joy" to Mara which means "bitterness".

In her anger she turned to the two women who loved her best and told them in no uncertain terms that she wants them to leave her alone.  She wants them to go back home where they can perhaps pick up their lives and learn to love again.  But for herself, she wants nothing more to do with them - or with love.  Her anger lashed out at them with a viciousness that cut like a whip.

And so Orpah leaves, but Ruth, Ruth says "No.  I will not go.  My love for you is too strong.  It is not a love that is based only on moments of joy and laughter.  It is not a love that is only there for the good times when all is going well.  It is a love of commitment that weathers the storms of this life --- that is steadfast and true.  I understand that you want me to leave, to go back to my parents' home, but my home is with you, whether you want me here or not.  You need me now, more than ever.  I will not leave."

Then she speaks the words that are heard in the promises so often said by men and women who are more than lovers, but partners to the end:  "Do not entreat me to leave you.  Where you go, I will go.  Where you lodge, I will lodge.  Your people shall be my people and your God my God."

In the face of anger and bitterness and, yes, even rejection, Ruth's love stays true.  It is a love that truly bears all things --- the love Paul entreats us to.

But what does that mean?  As I sat in my study and wrote those words, it occurred to me how badly they might be used or misunderstood and I want to make one thing clear.

There is a difference between the pain Naomi felt that caused her to lash out with angry words in the hurt of the moment and the abuse of a spouse or loved one who lashes out with clenched fists, physically beating the one who loves them into submission.

There is a difference between words that belittle and destroy one's soul and words that are cried out only for a moment born of pain.

Paul's words that tell us that love bears all things were never meant, and should never be used, to justify staying in an abusive, life destroying relationship.  That is not love.  It is emotional enslavement which is something completely different.

Too often I have sat with someone who has been emotionally blackmailed into staying in a relationship that is built on fear rather than respect, soul destroying hatred rather than love.

God does not require such misplaced loyalty.  Indeed God cries out against it.  And in that situation one must leave and leave quickly.  For in that situation, there is no love but only a perversion of love and all that is holy.

I cannot overstate that.  Too many lives have been lost, too many souls destroyed, by evil dressed up to look like the love one desires, the love one longs for.

So how do you tell the difference?  One way is to look not only at the quality of the love you give, but also at the love you are given.

You should not only love with patience and kindness but you should be loved that way as well.  Your partner should seek the best for you just as you seek out the best for them.

Does that mean that love will always perfect?  That there will never be those "Naomi moments"?  No.

Unfortunately, perfect love comes only from God.  As Paul goes on to say, "Now we see in a mirror dimly, then (with God) we will see face to face."  Love has never meant "never having to say you're sorry."

What love given and love received does mean is

gentleness and joy

toughness and fortitude

fairness and forgiveness

It means learning when to say nothing and when to keep talking --- when to push a little and when to back off.

It means acknowledging "I can't be God to you.  I need Him too."

Love means giving of each other to each other, forming a partnership in tandem with our perfect and loving God.

Love is a lifetime of giving and receiving, laughing and weeping, believing and trusting.  Love is made possible in God, by God, through God.