The Rev. Dr. Patricia Ramsden First Presbyterian Church
Luke 23: 33-34 Forgiveness 11/14/10
They had beaten Him to the point that most men either died or went insane from the pain. They taunted Him, laughed at Him, placed a crown of thorns upon His head and forced Him to carry His own cross through the city streets. Then they pounded His flesh until it tore into the wood. They lifted up that cross and dropped it with a thud into the ground. It was death by torture and slow suffocation. Still as He hung there they shouted at Him: “You saved others. Can you not save Yourself? Come down from the cross.” They tormented and taunted Him as He hung there naked, slowly dying.
And what did He do? What did He say? “Father, forgive them.” No one had breathed a word of apology or regret. No one had whispered “My God, what have we done?” No one stopped their mocking to plead, “Take Him down. We are sorry. This is all a tragic mistake.” No. Before any one repented, He forgave.
There are so many lessons to be learned from this moment in time --- lessons about love, about God, about Christ, about salvation. But today I want to look a little closer about Christ’s lesson on forgiveness.
Now, what Christ offered was divine forgiveness --- a forgiveness we can never aspire to, so do not get me wrong. I am not saying that we should expect from ourselves that degree of forgiveness. That is not possible, but we should take from it lessons on how we as mere humans can forgive.
The first thing to notice is that forgiveness has very little if anything to do with the other person, the person in the wrong. It has everything to do with us. We do not need to wait for an “I’m sorry” to forgive. We do not need to wait for the other person to change. They may or may not ever change. And the sad reality is nothing you can do will change them.
They must change on their own and that is solely between them and their God --- not you. And if they don’t try to change, if they continue to place you in a position where you will be hurt or even abused and they show no desire or willingness to change to try a different way of life, then you must leave the situation even if it means leaving behind someone you still love. This is particularly true in the case of abused spouses --- they must find the courage to leave and stay in safety if their husband or wife persists in following their apology with a physical or emotional fist.
Like it or not, true forgiveness is not about the person who hurt you. It is all about you. Unless you forgive the hurts in your life, you cannot leave the past behind and live into a new future where pain does not control you, where you can face both the present and the future without bitterness in your heart that will eventually destroy you. I like Webster’s definition of forgiveness. It says very simply, “to give up resentment.”
Now at this point I need to make something else very clear. You may have heard the old saying “Forgive and forget.” That’s not possible. In many ways it is not even healthy. Can you, should you, deny the reality of what has happened? Must you deny the past? No. If you do, you will continue to put yourself in harm’s way. But it does mean you release the power of the past to control you. You put yourself in charge again.
How can you possible do this? How can you regain control after the rape of your body or soul? After words that burn themselves into your very existence? After fists that hit and betrayal that destroys? You can’t --- not on your own. That kind of forgiveness is made possible only through God and the support of people who will walk with you and remind you of the truth.
I know this because of my own journey through the pain of the past into a new life I created. It would be a lie to say the pain of the abuse I suffered has gone away. It never truly goes away and yet one day I realized I had a choice to make. I could let the pain control my life forever or I could stop it from having the power to control me. I could claim the freedom to become the person God created me to be --- the person I wanted to be --- or I could roll myself up in a corner to hide. I could stay in past pain. I chose to live --- and forgive.
Did my parents ever say I’m sorry? Did they ever express regret for what they had done? Did they finally stop the abuse of my body and soul? I’d love to say yes, but the sad reality is no. But my life has gone on. I have healed and continue to heal. So have countless others who have suffered the slings and arrows of people they care for.
How did I do it? How did they do it? How can you do it? With God and with the love and support of countless others who see in you a you you can only catch glimpses of.
So far all of this sounds as if it deals with forgiving others but the same thing is true for those times when you must forgive yourself, when you must leave behind the person you have become, when you must leave the pain behind, when you must leave the past behind, and begin again to live in the present and into the future. This is perhaps the hardest form of forgiveness.
We tend to hold onto our guilt and our self-loathing. We clutch at our past mistakes and yes even our sin. We cannot let our past go. We hold onto it even as we say the assurance of pardon. But it is in that assurance that lays our hope. We can forgive ourselves because God forgives us.
I like the way Psalm 103 puts it in the translation Psalms Now: God forgives all my sins. He touches my affliction with healing. He snatches me back from the gaping jaws of hell; He covers me with concern and love; He fulfills my deepest desires and gives me meaning for life and purpose for living.
That is the meaning of forgiveness --- forgiveness of others, forgiveness of self.
Let us once more stand and say the Assurance of Forgiveness printed in the bulletin and let us believe:
Friends, hear and believe the good news of the gospel.
In Jesus Christ we are forgiven. Let us forgive one another.
The peace of Christ be with you.
And also with you. Amen
