The Rev. Dr. Patricia Ramsden          First Presbyterian                        

 Anger

         A couple was celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary.  But the amazing thing about them wasn’t just that they had been married so many years, but that no one --- and I mean no one --- had heard them say a word to each other for the last 30 years.  If  they needed to say anything to one another, they’d do it through their children.

It went something like this:  “Sara, please ask your dad if he’s going out tonight.”  “Tell your mother that I’ll be leaving in an hour.”  All  of this while they would be sitting across the dinner table, looking straight into each other’s eyes. 

Finally, one day a new preacher came to call, and he asked them why they didn’t speak to each other.  It turned out that they had had an argument one night and each of them had promised that they wouldn’t say a word until the other one apologized. 

For 30 years, they had kept that promise.  For 30 years, they had lived apart together --- trapped by their anger. 

Naturally the minister wanted to know what on earth was so important that they could never work it out. 

They didn’t know.  They couldn’t remember.  But they knew that they couldn’t give in --- not now --- not ever.  Neither one of them was willing to be the first one to break the silence.

Our anger can tear us apart, or it can pull us together.  The difference is in what we do – how we react --- when we get angry with one another.  What we do with our anger is so important that Jesus talks about it in the Sermon on the Mount. 

Now most translations of this passage begin with Jesus saying that everyone who is angry with his brother or sister is guilty – as guilty as someone who had committed murder.  So when we read that verse, many of us think that if we ever get angry then we are terrible people and we stuff down our anger and it grows and grows until we finally explode or until we become physically sick. 

But if you read the passage in Greek, you find out that Jesus wasn’t saying all anger is bad all the time.  But instead  the verb means to be continually, constantly angry.  Jesus is talking about someone who holds onto their anger – who won’t let it go no matter what.  And that kind of anger does lead to sin.  It leads to hatred and bitterness and words that can destroy even the best of friendships. 

So, as Jesus tells us,  we must make peace.  But exactly how are we supposed to go about doing that?  Well, first of all notice that Jesus says absolutely nothing about figuring out who is to blame for the situation.  As far as Jesus is concerned, it doesn’t make any difference who is at fault.  Anger is not black or white – right or wrong – all or nothing. 

Anger is a warning system --- nothing more.  It just tells us that we have a problem --- that we feel threatened.  It doesn’t have anything to do with right or wrong. 

Somehow, then, we need to reach out and try to solve whatever problem is making us feel so upset, without placing blame or guilt on anyone’s head. 

We have a choice. It truly is possible to talk about the real problem without insisting “I’m right and you’re wrong.”

How we go about doing this is so important that Jesus talks about it on several different occasions.  In fact, He gives us very specific instructions on what to do when we know that our friend is the one who is wrong.  Jesus says “If your brother or sister sins against you, go and show them their fault, just between the two of you.”

Notice that Jesus did NOT say, “If someone sins against you, try to pretend that nothing is wrong.  Be a nice person and go on as if nothing has happened. “

He did not say “Write that person off your list and never talk to them again so you can avoid a confrontation.”

He did not say, “Tell your side of the story to everyone who will listen, but don’t talk to the people who are involved.”

Instead He tells us to take the initiative in working things out.  He tells us to go and talk about our feelings, our hurt, our frustration, our fears. 

He tells us to do it in private, and – like everything we do --- do it out of love ---  listening not only to ourselves but listening to the other person as well. 

We have to remember that the other person does not recognize what they have done.  They may not even know we’re angry, or we may have misread the entire situation.  Think how often that has happened to you.

A friend suddenly stops calling you, and you don’t know what’s wrong.  You think she’s avoiding you, and you feel hurt.  So you, in turn, get angry with her.  Finally, when you get up the courage to call, you discover that her mother was really sick or she’s worried about her teenage son, or she was just busy with other things for a few weeks. 

It’s so easy for us to misunderstand --- to react out of our own fears or sense of inadequacy – instead of taking the time – taking the risk – to tell other people how we feel. 

And it is a risk.  Sometimes the other person doesn’t respond the way we want.  Sometimes the situation goes from bad to worse.  Jesus knows that that is one of the risks we will have to take.  But He tells us not to stop there.  He tells us that if talking one on one doesn’t work, then we ought to go and talk the problem through with someone else present. 

It may be that another person who isn’t involved in the situation can help us listen to what we are saying one to another.  It may be that they can ask questions that will help us solve the problem.  It may be that they can unravel the hurt.  Because that’s what reconciliation is about --- unraveling the hurt – solving the problem --- making peace. 

Once again, we see that scripture does not tell us that anger in and of itself is sinful and wrong.  But it does tell us that what we do with our anger makes all the difference.  So how do we deal with it as Christians?  With love. 

We stop and think about what is really bothering us and we talk about how we feel with the other people who are involved.  We make peace as soon as possible.  We share our hurts and our fears with those we love, and we listen to them in return.  When we do this, we know that we can be angry and not sin.  That we can be angry and still fulfill the perfect law of Christ – a life of love, a life of grace.